In the past five years of working with young people in the Philippines and having that unique opportunity to have an intimate conversation with them – I have come to gather a sad generalization that young Filipinos today suffered from what I have called poverty of true friendship. The emergence of social media and other digital platforms has made it easier to accumulate “friends” than ever before. In fact, it is only at this age that having friends to hundreds of thousands became possible. However, the sad reality is that many people, especially the youth, are experiencing the poverty of true friends. This poverty is not due to a lack of social connections (in terms of numbers) but rather a lack of deep and meaningful relationships that are based on trust, honesty, and loyalty.
As I conversed with more young people, one of the main reasons they pointed out was the rise of superficial relationships. Social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram encourage users to have many followers, likes, and comments. While these metrics can give a sense of validation and popularity, they do not necessarily translate into true friendships. Many people have hundreds or thousands of “friends” on social media, but when they need someone to talk to or rely on in a time of need, they may find that they have no one they can truly count on.
In addition, the increasing use of social media has made it easier to present a curated version of oneself rather than showing our true selves to others. Many people create a persona on social media that is different from their true selves, presenting a polished and curated version of their lives. This can make it difficult to build deep and meaningful relationships because people may not feel uncomfortable sharing their true thoughts and emotions with others. In our discussions with young people in select areas of the country, being overly conscious of how one is perceived online is a common observation. Not showing who you really are is an obstacle to forming genuine friendships.
Young Filipinos tend to connect with people they do not personally know through social media platforms. They may have a considerable number of online friends but can still feel isolated and lonely in their personal lives.
Another interesting insight we gathered as a contributing factor to this poverty is the rise of individualism. Many people are focused on their own needs and goals rather than building meaningful relationships with others. As Filipinos, we are historically inclined to build connections and strengthen social relationships, but the prevalence of individualism in recent years, exacerbated by a high level of mistrust and the limitations on social contact brought about by the pandemic, has led to a decrease in the number of deep, meaningful, and purposive relationships. While we have our own goals and preferences, it is essential to balance these with social connections to maintain true friendships.
Lastly, the stigma surrounding mental health is also a significant challenge in the Philippines, as it prevents people from opening up and seeking support from their friends and family members. Many young Filipinos are hesitant to seek help for mental health problems, even from their closest friends and family members, due to the stigma surrounding mental illness in the country.
To combat the poverty of true friends, it is necessary for us to focus on building relationships that are based on trust, honesty, and loyalty. It is crucial to have more safe spaces that facilitate deep conversations and connections with others on a personal level. It is also essential to promote open conversations about mental health and work towards overcoming the stigma surrounding it.
These points are precisely the reason why we started the Kaibigan Chat line. If you want genuine conversation from a friend online while revisiting your TRUE FRIENDS list, we are just one chat away. And while this essay may have been co-written with an AI, we promise that behind the kaibigan chat line is a real person and a true friend.
Love.Life.Living. 